He Always Will
by youknowyouwantit
Summary: But there's a deep pain in his chest—a haunting of a promise broken, of an apology long forgiven, but still not forgotten.
1. Chapter 1

He doesn't remember when her first realized he loved her. It came slow, like the return of spring—slow and sneaky and suddenly _there_ as if there had never been a time when warmth, sunshine, cherry blossoms, _her_ was not with him. There was never a start, just a slow growing passion that continued with her constantly on his mind (there, always there).

A shadow of short brown hair and dimples and a promise of _ohana_.

But there's a deep pain in his chest—a haunting of a promise broken, of an apology long forgiven, but still not forgotten. And there is guilt in his heart for a time he left her without his words, visits, his guidance. He was supposed to be there, he _promised_ to be there, but he wasn't. And he can't quite recall why not.

And he's in a small interrogation room (dark, so dark) and everything has come crashing down, and he's yelling out at her, panic escaping his mouth in a form of anger, but she's built walls around her heart too high for him to scale, and she stares expressionlessly back at him. There's a glint in her eye, a jut in her jaw, but her eyes glance down, and away from him. And he is suddenly terrified that she is afraid of him.

And now there's Lori—who slapped the cuffs on her because he couldn't, _couldn't_, and she is just blonde hair, and small smiles, and a dangerous temptation, but there is a slender brunette who keeps him from giving her what she wants.

North Korea had been just a mistake—he had been too caught up in _her_ to realize the deception. Jenna mentions family and _ohana_ and he remembers her and what he didn't do so he promises to go (go and save the world). But he is captured and tortured and beaten, and in a way, it feels like punishment for what he did to her.

He is back (home) now, nothing but a sling on his left arm and the absence of Jenna, (Danny's voice: Steve, Steve, where is Steve) and the reminder of the jungle accident. Catherine is still here, but just a blur in the background, a reminder of days long gone, and though he still goes with her, his mind is often found elsewhere, in a place where he has all the answers.

But this work is intense, distracting, to some terrifying (Danny, and Little Grace), and it keeps his mind away from things forbidden but so desired.

They were a team, a team, but not he wants more than that, and doesnt have any of it. He doesn't remember when he began to love her. But he thinks he always will.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:**

**Dear Readers, thank you to all who read and reviewed. This is the first story I have ever written, and the kind comments were appreciated. Thanks.**

She has been abandoned.

And that, she feels, is the worst kind of betrayal. And it cuts like a knife through her chest—leaving no visible wound behind, but drawing a distrust in its place, portrayed by fearful glances, and a separation that can be caused by nothing else.

Every day—_every single day_—she expects him. She waits for a call, a visit, beer and conversation that had once been expected. But she is secretly relieved he does not appear, she is slightly afraid that he will appear, and her anger will be just as sudden, bringing violence that she will later regret.

She does not trust herself to keep her temper. And after days and days, she gives up on him (just a little).

She isn't sure at the fairness of it all. They were both convicted—they were in this mess together, and there was a connection in that. But his face, colored in amazement at her shackles, crosses her mind often, and it is that, and only that, that keeps her from hating him.

Because despite the arguing voices in her head, she knows his intentions were clear.

So when life has settled some, and she is out of that interrogation room (_what were you thinking, Kono?) _and back in the field_ (where she belongs), _and she tells him that she couldn't have asked for better backup, she means it. But she wants to watch the insecurity cross his face at her slight mockery, and have him believe that he has been forgotten too. She can't though—she isn't quite that cruel.

She doesn't want to forgive him. She doesn't. Because he had promised _ohana_, and if a man cannot even keep a promise of family (of the truest kind), then how can that man be trusted for anything? She is not sure of the answer anymore ( or much of anything), and that is why she is so cautious around him.

But now there is forgiveness (or tolerance) and there is northern jungles and missing friends and daring rescues. And it is after he is found, that she is confused, because the expression on his face has nothing to do with a heart palpations, that his partner so describes. It is one of intense concentration and it is this exact crazed face that sends a spike of fear through her, because she knows that he will do anything to find what he is looking for (No, Dad, _no_, and something to with the _truth_, a whole lot of _revenge_ and very little _justice_).

And she is so damn frustrated, because she can't rescue him like she wants to.

Because the blonde has taken her place (in work and a little in him) and is busy on a combat helicopter somewhere, too weak to handle the things that _she _can. But he is back now—safe, rescued, _humbled_, and she isn't sure what he means by that.

But she is good undercover—good at the flirting and the taunting and the rush that comes with the effects of being someone else, and not having any consequences that come with her usual actions. She is good at _pretending_.

That he never broke her heart. That he didn't abandon her. So she pastes a smile on, and pretends to like the blonde, and pretends to trust the man with the black hair and the big muscles and the strength to _break. _And life goes on.

But she doesn't forget, even if he did.


	3. Chapter 3

**I am not sure if i like this chapter, but i dont know what to do about it, so I posted anyway. Please review, I am new to this, so suggestions, constructive criticism, anything is helpful. Thanks!**

He wakes up bleeding again, flashing lights and the bright glare of a whitened hospital.

The governor is angry (again) because he has broken the rules, but he is still not sure what they are. Where he comes from (_belongs_) they are not important, because overseas, it is: stay alive, and protect your team and finish the job, and no one has heard of these things called rules.

And Lori is gone, _gone_, and he is slightly wounded by this, but mainly relieved because she is standing closely, "_my feelings for you_" she says, and he doesn't know what to say, and he is frozen, just a bit, but he holds her because that is what comforts Catherine. And it soothes Lori as she goes away.

And so the blonde is gone, but _she_ is still here and she is worried about him, he can see it on her face as if printed there, written in a language only he can understand. And her eyes trace his wounds like gentle fingers.

And he is sure her cousin knows what he feels, because he is just knowing brown eyes and kind smiles that say he will accept and forgive any fault, except for one crime—the harm of his little cousin, who he still sees in brown pigtails and small pink bathing suits from the days where she spent her life laughing on the beach. He is sure Chin misses those days, because now she is beautiful and dangerous and she has men chasing her everywhere she goes (and Chin can't protect her from them all).

He thinks it is scary that he feels the same way.

But he goes away with Catherine anyway, because she is easy, and there are no questions, and he doesn't have to think around her. And she is easy to understand.

But he is not as perfect as he seems. He slips—smiles for too long, stares mesmerized when she moves, but he is still too quick to catch his mistake before his blond partner sees, and he is back to work (all work and no play): scared people, and bombs, and guns drawn and distraction from what he really wants.

Because he wants _her_.

And he is so sure of this fact, so very sure. But she is mysterious and confusing and so good at her job, that he doesn't know if she wishes for the same things that he does. And he thinks it is this that keeps him from going to her.

Because he is not sure of so many things.


End file.
